Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize