Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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