Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
