We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
