I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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