Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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