he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
