This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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