I hate all girls vehemently.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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