I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
