Do you still have your period?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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