i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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