My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
