Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
