whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh god it's open bar.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
