If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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