How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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