you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
