Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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