I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize