my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
