I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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