if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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