"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Damn victory sex feels great
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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