My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
