My underwear smells like fireworks.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
