so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
