You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Houston, we have a blender
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
