Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
