SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
