i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
