And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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