I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
