Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
