Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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