someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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