What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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