if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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