my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
