we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
be right there i have to get my cape
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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