she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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