Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
