my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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