So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
