I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
