I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
