i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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