You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
