you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize