i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
