The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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