i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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