Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
