The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
