well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
