I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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