pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
