they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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