Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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