Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
