Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
