What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize
