Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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