there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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