sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
