hotel room ftw
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
