So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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