worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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