hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
