I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
