What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
